Supernatural Fics

Title: Mascots
Author: clex_monkie89
Rating: PG-13 (Swearing and implied sexual situations)
Pairing (if any): None
Words: 1,058
Prompt: 116. The boys discuss school mascots and school colors, possibly while drunk. --spn_flashback.

"Whatever man, you were a fucking tree."

"Stanford...ian...ers, people, are not actually trees. The tree is part of the band. Stanford has no mascot. Stanford needs no mascot!"

"You didn't eat anything today, did you?"

"I think I had a packet of peanut butter."

"You're pathetic."

"I am not. You know what's pathetic? The Galloping Ghosts."

"...No more beer for you tonight."

"No! Remember? In Pennsylvania? That one school?"

"Oh, right. Damn that was stupid. Their cheerleaders were ugly too, nice racks, but looked like they were beat in the face with two by fours."

"You only say that cause none of them would blow you."

"I wouldn't let them blow me, hell, I wouldn't let them blow you."

"That explains why I didn't get any action in that state."

"No that would be because of that disgusting growth on your neck. Fuck man, you remember the Aurora Houn' Dawgs? Fucking rednecks."

"'Member the bulldogs in Idaho?"

"How 'bout the termites in Arizona?"

"The Bad Axe Hatchets?"

"The Winged Beavers?"

"Man, you got detention before the first lunch there."

"You can't call yourself the beavers and then get all butt-hurt when someone says something about it."

"You asked the gym teacher to show you where the girls beavers were."

"I did not, I said... Well, I don't remember what I said but I know it had to be smoother than that."

"Was not. M'ber the bunnies? That was a dumb mascot. And the costume was itchy."

"That's what you get for volunteering to be the jizz collector."

"Don' call it that, i's gross."

"Hey man, you know what those sickos do in those costumes, half the time they don't even wear clothes under the suit."

"They do too, i's a'ginst the rules not too."

"It's also against the --take that bottle cap outta of your mouth before you choke-- it's also against the rules to cheat on tests and bet on games but kids do that too."

"...You're sick."


"I'm not a bunny-fucker. I was the bunny."


"Shut up."

"Sammy, have I ever mentioned how much I love it when you're drunk?"

"What about the Queensmen? They were worse than the bunnies."

"Oh God, that was the Catholic school right? The one in Pennsylvania with the possessed nuns?"

"They weren't possessed, they just didn't like you. Nuns didn't like you. No nuns liked you at all. None of the nuns li --hey, give it back!"

"No, no more beer for you. If you start dancing I'm going to have to explain to Dad why I had to kill you."

"I'm not drunk. I'm pleasantly buzzed."

"You're giddy. You're two sips away from jumping up and showing everyone your tattoo."

"...What tattoo?"

"The one you can't possibly be stupid enough to think Dad doesn't know about."

"...I do not know what you are talking about."

"That stupid fairy you've got tramp stamped above your ass like a big gay welcome sign, you drunken retard."

"It wasn't supposed to be a fairy. He said it was gonna be a dragon."

"Hope you kicked the fucker's ass real good then."

"Yeah, the fucking Sand Lizard."

"Sand Lizard? Wait, that was in... Don't tell me... Texas?"


"Damn. Wait, you got it in Arkansas? You were in like, eighth grade. I'm so proud of you."


"Dude. All that time with that... thing. No wonder you can't get laid."

"Blow me."

"Ooh! The Fighting Cocks, that was Texas, right?"


"Dammit. What the fuck was Texas?"


"Oh right! That was the whole 'get crabs' thing that got us expelled."

"I still don't think I should've been expelled, it was all your idea."

"You played your part, suck it up and take it like a man."

"I already took it like a man! Don't say it, please?"

"God, you're easy."

"You'd know."

"I would. Wait, what?"

"Remember those four months as Freeburg Midgets?"

"You know, you're even less smooth than usual when you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk. I'm even using full words and sentences, I just drank too much too fast."

"Uh-huh, sure."

"So. Midgets. That was a weird mascot, huh?"

"Hey midgets are scary dude, scarier than the fucking Mayhem at least."

"Mayhem is scary, it's all... disorganized and... mayhem-like."

"Yeah, cause the Mayhem was just strikes terror right into the pit of your heart, doesn't it?"

"Better than the hot dogs."

"Or the pretzels."

"I want pretzels."

"Then maybe you should eat more than some fucking peanut butter all day."

"I wasn't hungry then though."

"You never know what'll happen between now and your next meal, Sammy."

"Yeah okay, Dad, I'll eat right now."




"Mighty Hopper."




"Blue Pony."

"River Rat."

"Corn Jerker."


"Man, do you have any idea how much crap I got at Stanford coming in as a Fair Lawn Cutter? I got razor blades and self-mutilation pamphlets stuck to my door and dropped in my mail the whole time there."

"Well at least the kids were creative."

"They were not. Blades of grass would've been creative. Asking for hair cuts would have been creative. Taping Halloween scars to my door was predictable."

"Don't be such a wuss, it's not that bad. You could've graduated as worse."

"Easy for you to say, you got to be a Copper King. That is such horseshit."

"Hey, you got to be a Copper King too, stop bitching."

"For two months as a freshman! That was totally not the same."

"Blah, blah, blah, bitch, bitch, moan. Don't you ever stop complaining?"

"I'm not complaining. It's just not fair."

"It's totally fair, you're the whiny bitch therefore you get to be at the schools with all the shitty mascots."

"Hey you got some fucked up ones too."

"Yeah but I never complained about them like a whiny little bitch."

"I seem to remember hearing you bitch to Dad about being a Flaming Heart for almost all of eleventh grade."

"...You're not allowed to talk about that."

"Poor little flamer."

"Fucking tree."

"I already told you Dean, the tree is in the band."

"Whatever, dude, no one cares."

"Howard cares."


"Howard. The tree. He cares."

"...Your mascot was a tree named Howard?"

"It's not the mascot! And Howard was the guy in the suit."

"God. You are so fucking lame dude."

"Shut up."

~ ~ ~ ~

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Last updated: August 20th 2007