Supernatural Fics

Title: Cause Knowledge Is Power!
Author(s): clex_monkie89 and jewels667.
Rating: R
Fandom(s): Supernatural
Characters: Sam, Dean, John, Mary, Jess.
Pairing(s): Sam/Dean, Sam/Jess, Sam/Other, Dean/Other.
Words (Total): 10,643
Author's Notes: So about four months back I started telling Julia about the Sam and Dean in my head and things that they did. Then Julia started asking for things that Sam knew about Dean and Dean knew about Sam and so on and so on. And then it spiraled out of control and became this. Written entirely in a series of MSN conversations.

Sam knows about that little boy, Jack, in San Antonio. He doesn't know who the kid's mom is, but he's got it narrowed down to someone Dean fucked seven and three-quarter years ago. Unless Jack was a preemie.


Sam knows about that spelling bee Dean volunteered for in sixth grade, the one he entered for extra credit to make up for a paper that got neglected for work.

Dean came in second in the whole school and only lost because his final word was "telekinetic" and he just froze in front of everyone.

Sam doesn't know why Dean never told Dad about that.


Sam knows that the scar on Dean's leg, the one Dean says he got from some jealous husband, is really from Dad's steel-toed boots.

It's not as bad as it sounds though; Dean was leading the way in a mad sprint away from an angry, frothing, foaming, rabies-infested Black Dog when he went down hard over a tree root. Sam didn't see Dean until it was too late and Dad came crashing down after. It hurt.

That's okay though.

Cause Dean knows that the scar Sam tells everybody was from a car accident, the big jagged one low on his stomach?

Was totally Sam's fault. What kind of retard tries to walk down an old, rickety, spiral, metal staircase reading a fucking book anyway?


Sam knows about that time Dean broke his leg in three places while pissing (fell off the balcony) and Dean still states that Sam broke his own jaw on Dean's hand that one time in an attempt to get Dean in trouble.


Only Dean knows about Sammy's superstitious habits. Dean would bet dollars to dimes, or whatever the fuck the phrase is, that Sammy never let Jessica see those dumb little things that seem so random.

And he'd win that bet too.

Only Dean knows that every night at exactly midnight, right as his watch beeps, Sam cracks his knuckles. Pointer to pinkie, right hand before left, first knuckles followed by seconds followed by the third knuckles down near his nails. Never the thumbs though, the thumbs get cracked at 0010.

Dean doesn't know why Sam does it, just that he does.


Sam knows that Dean wears contacts, something that he's not sure even Dad knows. Dean doesn't wear glasses because he doesn't like the sudden blind-spots in his peripheral vision the glasses cause.

Sam knows that Dean has some kind of something that means his contacts cost an extra hundred dollars more than they should and that he has to fight tooth and nail to get them in clear because nine times out of ten they come with brown irises, for some reason.


Dean knows that the dirty piece of material Sam keeps in his backpack "for spills and such" is really a piece of Sam's baby blanket, and that Sam can't sleep unless it's in the same room with him.


Sam knows about that really hot lesbian in New Orleans, Anastasia, who Dean fucked.

Well, okay, apparently they didn't exactly "fuck" in the literal sense of the term but, y'know, either way. Hot lesbian.

Still gives him triple-points on the slut scale.


Sam knows that Dean likes to cook, even if he does complain about it sometimes.

What Sam doesn't know is that Dean doesn't really like to cook, he just likes being able to do something useful for Sam and Dad.


Sam knows that the surest way to get hit, more sure than badmouthing Dad or saying anything at all about Mom is to go for Dean's soft-spot. One time they were fighting because Dean took Dad's side yet again and Sam made some kind of half-repressed comment about Dean acting like Dad's wife more than his son.

Sam doesn't even remember Dean launching himself at him, just waking up to Dad and a bag of ice and some new stitches.


Sam knows that Dean favors his left side; kicks with his left, hits with his left, dodges, ducks and dives to his left.

Sam has not so quietly, sometimes loudly and occasionally vocally, thought that Dean favors his left so much because Sam himself favors his right. Together they are a united front; they are unstoppable. Whatever one cannot handle or bear the other can.

As long as they are together nothing can harm either of them.

Which is why it hurt them both so much when Sam left.


Dean knows that Sam sucks at math. He also knows that Sam doesn't like talking about how much he sucks at it. Sam can grasp long division but pretty much all math that comes after that just boggles his mind and makes him angry.

Dean used to sit up with Sammy late at night when they were supposed to be sleeping and help him with his math.

Dean had nightmares for a week when Sammy left and he wondered who was going to help him understand calculus now.


Dean knows that Sam's allergic to all citrus (grapefruit is the worst), blueberries, almonds (but no other nuts oddly), moss, three kinds of grass and anchovies.

The reactions range from really bad heartburn and trouble breathing (that stupid AXE body-spray Dean wasted eight bucks on for no reason at all) to an immediate need for an emergency room and a tube shoved down his throat (grapefruit).

Dean spent Sammy's entire time at Stanford worried that one day he'd get a call from someone saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't know, he never said anything."


Sam knows that Dean only uses kid's toothpaste. It's one of the few luxuries he allows himself.

Dean figures that if he's gonna end up eating so much of it, it may as well taste good. Besides, it's, y'know, Batman.


Sam knows about that time that Dean decided it would be really fun to pretend like he was a circus performer with a knife-throwing act. It was all fun and games until Sam said something to make Dean laugh and Dean missed.

Sam's still a little pissed about it, because it was his favorite fucking shirt, but he thinks it was probably worth the blood to hear the way Dean screamed like a girl when he realized Sam was hurt.


Dean knows about the time, when Sammy was eight and they were at Pastor Jim's, when Curtis convinced Sammy to grab a sheet and jump off the top of the church with him.

Sam knows it was Dean who beat Curtis senseless for that.


Dean knows that Sammy kept his Stanford acceptance letter hidden for three weeks before he got the courage up to show it to Dad.

He also knows that Sam never showed John the acceptance letters he got from Princeton and Yale.

Sam doesn't know that John knew about all three before Sam did, because John knows everything, but mostly he knows that Sam can do anything he puts his mind to.


Only Dean knows about that time Sam got arrested at Stanford.

He drove fourteen hours to bail him out, hit him upside the head, and told him the next time he thought mooning a cop car would be funny, to call Dad.

What Sam doesn't know is that Dean thought the whole prank was pretty fucking cool.


Dean knows that for all Sam's rhythm (and not that he'd ever say it out loud but good God can that boy move his fucking hips when it counts) and... creativity, Sam can't dance. At all. Not even a little.

Dean took him to a club once and tried to "teach" him. Sam still can't dance but on the plus side they're banned from a club in Phoenix now.


Only Sam knows why Dean beat the shit out of that biker five years ago.

The guy ran in to Dean pretty hard on his way to the bathroom, which would've been totally okay if he'd bothered to say "excuse me."

When Dean asked him what the fuck he thought he was doing, "Your mother," probably wasn't the smartest thing he could have said.

The guy's lucky Dean only broke his nose.


Sam knows that Dean listens to that one song by Bon Jovi, "Wanted, Dead or Alive" even though he hates them.

Sam doesn't know that Dean listens to it because it was the first song he heard after kissing Sam that time (something he will never, ever admit to for at least nine different reasons).


Sam knows that Dean doesn't like to read. He also knows that Dean's touchy about it; too many teachers who assumed he must be stupid because he didn't read books for shits and giggles like the other brains.

Sam knows Dean's touchy about it, but sometimes? When he's angry or just plain not thinking? He says stupid things. Asks Dean when he last read a book, treats him like he's stupid or less than he is.

Sam knows it hurts Dean but once he's started he just can't make himself stop.


Sam hurts Dean sometimes when he does things.

And he knows this. So Sam does little things for Dean. Buys him coffee in the middle of the night cause he knows Dean's going to wake up, makes him Frito Tamales while they drive sometimes, asks for help with things he knows how to do, makes The Laptop Dean-friendly and bookmarks porn sites for him.

Little things.


Dean knows that Sam still sucks his thumb. Sam denies it and denies it but Dean doesn't remember even a single instance of waking up next to Sam without Sam's thumb planted firmly between his lips, fingers curled over his face.

He even has a picture that Dad took when Sam was fifteen, for proof. Sam has no idea about the pictures though; much less that both Dean and Dad keep a copy in their wallets.


Dean knows about that time Sam picked up a sewer roach and ate it when he was four years old. Dean still teases him about it.

When Sam's being particularly annoying, Dean hums La Cucaracha under his breath.


Dean knows he was the first one to find that spot behind Sam's ear that makes him instantly hard.

What Dean doesn't know is that it isn't the spot, it's the way Dean's tongue feels on the spot, and no one else has ever gotten that response from him since.


Sam knows how much Dean likes it when he makes noise while going down on him.

Dean knows that Sam knows how much he likes the noises.

What Dean doesn't know is that Sam isn't doing it for Dean's benefit; he can't not make those noises when he has Dean's cock in his mouth.


Sam knows Dean would've liked Jess.


Sam knows about that time Dean let that guy "beat the shit out of him" in front of his girlfriend for money.

Sam also knows that it took the guy nearly five full minutes to land a believable hit.


Dean knows about that time Sam ate four and a half pounds of raw cookie dough.

Sam was sixteen when this happened.

He threw up for two hours and wouldn't eat cookies for another three months.


Sam knows that Dean won't drink coffee and eat blueberry pie at the same time anymore.

Because of that time that Sam made him laugh so hard the combination came out of his nose. And all of this in front of a really hot waitress.


Sam knows that Dean's allergic to cherries, pollen and horses.

The cherries were found out through a pie when he was thirteen (hives).

The pollen has always been around and always plagued him.

Horses, though, almost killed Dean once. He was eleven and he couldn't stop sneezing. No air could get in, he couldn't stop, even hours later, and the doctors didn't know if they could do anything.

Sam remembers being seven and sitting in the waiting room with his Dad while the doctors worked on his big brother. He very vividly remembers thinking all horses should be shot, since they almost killed Dean and therefore obviously had to be evil.


Dean knows that Sam loves The Dresden Dolls.

Dean thinks the band is crap. But he gets the reference and secretly thinks it's the most retardedly appropriate thing ever.


Dean knows about that time Sam stole the Impala and dented the front bumper.

Sam put it back in the parking lot of the hotel and hoped his father wouldn't notice.

What Sam doesn't know is that his Dad noticed first thing and Dean took the heat. Sam thought it was strange when Dean started doing all the chores, even on Sam's days, but hey, he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.


Dean knows that at Stanford, after the incident with the thing and then the stomach pump and Dean's phone's journey into Lake Eerie, Sam spent three days in bed too afraid to call Pastor Jim or Dad or anyone else because he was afraid that one of them would say Dean had died.

Dean knows this because Sam told him one night. It was raining and thundering and Dean was faking sleep. Sam knew he was awake and he knew that Sam knew but they both pretended anyway. Sam curled up next to him and whispered fears into his pillow.

Dean may have rolled over in his sleep. And if one of his arms happened to have come to rest over Sam? Pure accident, of course.


Dean knows why Sammy named that fucking mutt-dog "Freckles." Stupid bitch.

Dean remembers how hard Sammy cried when Freckles ran away. Dean also remembers what Freckles looked like underneath the tire of the motel clerk's station wagon.


Sam knows what really happened to Freckles; John told him years later about how Freckles got out of the collar while John was walking him.

Sam knows that it wasn't John who was walking the dog, but he doesn't blame Dean.


Sam knows just how much of an evil bastard his big brother is.

He can count on his hands the times he hasn't had to beg Dean to fuck him.

It always starts the same: Sam has the upper hand and has Dean pulling his hair and ramming his cock down Sam's throat and whimpering and making the best damn noises Sam's ever fucking heard.

...And then somehow it always ends up with Sam, spread eagle on the bed, bent over the Impala, on all fours in the backseat, shoved up against the wall, pressed against the shower, begging and pleading and desperate for Dean to just fuck him already and stop fucking being such a damn cock-tease.


Sam knows that pineapple makes Dean's come taste weird.

It was a bad way for Sam to find out that he's allergic to pineapple.

Sam lied and said he stole some of Dean's pizza.

Cause... Dude. Seriously.


Dean knows why Sam really had the allergic reaction.

The fucker will think twice before he goes on a tuna and sardine kick again.

Payback is a bitch, little brother.

Dean knows Sam likes it when he calls him "baby" when they're fucking.

Sam tries to hide it, but the way his fingers dig in to Dean's hips gives him away.

He also makes this adorable squeaking noise in the back of his throat.


Sam knows that Dean likes the marks Sam leaves on him. He watches Dean as his brother looks at the red marks in the mirror, running his fingers over them.

Sam also knows that Dean gets hard when he's doing that. And he actually moans when Sam traces those marks from behind and stares at him at the mirror.


Sam knows Dean loves to sneeze; something about how good it feels after or something.

Whenever Dean is about to sneeze, and Sam can always tell because his face scrunches up like a chipmunk and he starts to gasp like a crying child, Sam always says, "God bless you" quickly before Dean can get the sneeze out.

Because Sam is an asshole and if you bless someone before they sneeze they don't sneeze. It works every fucking time, too.


Dean knows how much Sam has always hated having an accent; that Texarkana twang that gets deeper and thicker and more mangled when he's tired.

Dean always loved having an accent; he liked pronouncing one word like they do in Texas and another like in Georgia and another altogether almost indecipherable.

Dean knows WHY they had to spend all that time in speech therapy; accents are more memorable and being remembered is not what they want.

Still though, Dean liked standing out from the crowd.

Dean never got rid of his accent fully though because he likes it. It makes him feel good. It makes him feel connected to his Mom, even if he doesn't remember what her voice used to sound like.


Sam knows the best way to get Dean to do what he wants is to ignore him.

Dean can't stand to not be doing something. So Sam will pick up a book, or a piece of paper and a pen, or sometimes, when he's feeling particularly mean, he'll just stare at a wall for an hour or so.

Dean always gives in eventually. Every. Single. Time.


Dad used to try to call him Dean-o when they were kids, but it never really stuck and while Sam was Sam, or Sammich, or Sammy, Dean was pretty much always Dean.

What Sam doesn't know, is that Dean doesn't really mind anymore. Because while he doesn't have a nickname, he has Sam. And no one, I mean no one says, "Dean, Dean, Dean," quite like Sam.


Sam knows about that drag queen Dean dated in New York. Hallie Louya or something else stupid like that.

Okay. So maybe "date" isn't the right word. But there isn't an all-encompassing word for "worked with and fucked a lot while also torturing younger brother" now, is there?


Dean knows just how the scar under Sam's chin tastes. He remembers how he got it too. Dad was gone, out for a few hours getting supplies.

T hey hadn't quite perfected the art of fucking in the shower without falling yet. Dean thrust particularly hard once, hit that glorious spot that made Sam turn to Jell-O...

And Sam went down like a ton of bricks, chin cracking on the faucet and turning the water pink.

That was one of the easier injuries to explain to Dad though; Sammy's just a big old freak who slipped on the soap.


Sam knows Dean's wife.

She's this girl in California, Angel Sondemerk-Winchester.

They've been married for going on eleven years now.

They never dated, they never even fucked and they never really had any interest in each other. Dean knew her from somehow and there was this Thing. Wrong place, wrong time and they caught each other mid-felonies. Breaking and entering and theft of transportation and grand larceny (all for very good reasons) on Dean's side and two murders of actual humans on her side.

To make a long story short, the police found out that they witnessed some big things and the only way to keep either one of them from being forced onto the witness stand was to get married.

When all was said and "done" they decided to stay married because, as Dean put it best, "eh, may as well. Not like I plan on doing this shit again."


Something that Sam doesn't know, that John does, is that Angel's brother and father and everyone else in her whole family are Hell's Angels. This means that testifying was never an option at all.

Of course it also means that if Dean is anywhere on the West Coast he has an alibi whenever he needs one and all kinds of neat freebies for his Impala.


Dean knows how much Sammy hates Angel. Hates her attitude and her clothes and everything about her.

Dean knows he hates her so much because she killed two other human beings and as far as Sammy's concerned there is never an excuse for that.


What Dean doesn't know is that Sam doesn't give a flying fuck how many people she may or may not have killed.

Well, okay, he really does but that's why he doesn't trust her; not why he hates her.

Sam hates her because she's Dean's fucking wife and for that reason alone sometimes he wishes she would die a horrible, painful death.


Dean barely remembers Angel most times; that whole episode with her was two weeks of relative blandness in his life.

Dean doesn't know that Sam remembers her every second of every day. He remembers that not only is he in love with his brother, like some shitty art house flick with French subtitles and a talking fish, but he's in love with his married brother.

It's thoughts like that that make Sam think his life must be a storyline on the most fucked-up soap ever.


Sam doesn't know how Dean gets along with their dad so well.

Really, he doesn't.

It's not how he follows the orders without question; he hates it but knows why Dean does it. Sam just...

They talk. Not just about work or hunting or how to kill things. They actually talk about normal things. Music and movies and why cats are stupid and other things like...

Like normal people. Or friends.

Sam never could understand it and he knows he probably never will.


John knows... everything.

John knows more than he'd like to.


Sam knows how much Dean hates spaghetti.

Sam was almost twenty and at Stanford by the time he realized that Dean made it so much because Sam liked it.


Dean doesn't know that Sam hates tuna noodle casserole. Hates. Hates it more than he hates going four days on a hunt without sleep.

Sam never told him because it's cheap to buy, easy to make and Dean wolfs it down like it's going out of style.


Dean knows about the daughter Sam thinks is his niece.

Her name is Teagan and Dean sends her presents through the mail whenever he can.

He and John know she exists only because they double-backed through a town after Sammy went to Stanford. The girl Dean passed on to Sammy was kinda sorta a whole lot pregnant.

They both agreed that if Sam ever found out they'd tell him she's Dean's, because he'd beat himself up over not being there for her, even if he didn't know she existed.

It was during that time when Dean was trying to get Sam a lot of other-people-sex for his own good.


Dean also knows that Jack might possibly be Sam's too. Dean's not entirely sure. They both fooled around with his mom.


Anyway, it doesn't matter in Dean's head because either way he considers Jack his son, even if he can't be there for him as much as he'd like.

Even Dean realizes just how fucked up it all is.


Dean knows Sam is it for him. He's never loved anything more and he never will.

Sam knows he could probably live without Dean, but he doesn't want to.

Because, honestly, they were made for each other. Even if Dean does roll his eyes and say "Dude!" in that totally annoying way when Sam mentions it.


Dean hates Sam's hair.

Of course, Sam knows that's all bullshit and bravado. Because when Sam's down on his knees, Dean's cock sliding down his throat, his brother twines his fingers through Sam's hair and pulls Sam's head back like that.

So when Dean gives him shit about it, Sam just smiles.


Dean knows in the pit of his stomach, the back of his mind and the bottom of his heart that one day Jack and Teagan are going to grow up, meet each other and have an assload of kids.

Because that's just the kind of fucking thing that is being a Winchester.

Which is why in fifteen years Dean'll be there at the hospital crossing his fingers and praying there are no webbed feet.


Dean knows how much Sam loves to kiss. Across a table in a diner, driving down the road, getting gas, showering, fucking. Loves it.

Dean knows that Sam's favorite thing to do, judging by how many times he's done it, is to wait until Dean's right in the middle of a movie (because sports are fucking boring unless he's playing), crawl on the bed next him and kiss him during the commercials.

Dean will never admit to liking it too.


Dean knows that Sam's a total girl. He totally holds Dean's hand whenever he can and falls asleep on his shoulder as much as often as possible.

And he drools too. But what he doesn't know is that Dean doesn't really mind. It makes him kind of mushy inside.


John knows that that whole "cross-dressing to get sent home from Catholic school" thing was Dean's idea.

He admits that it was pretty damn genius too, worked every time.


Sam knows why Dean hates Kinko's.

Once, when they were undercover and actually worked an office job, Dean photocopied his ass. And then Sam caught him and started to berate him. So Dean fucked him on the copier machine and even got a copy of the come-stain pattern.

Now, every time Dean hears the whir of a copier machine, he gets hard.


Dean knows that Sam likes it when he gets possessive, which is more than fine with Dean.

Whenever they near a town, before they actually enter it, Dean always parks the Impala and fucks Sam, hard and rough. So that Sam is sore and dirty and used every time they enter the town. So that Sam can feel the come still inside him as they sit down to eat in the diner, as they walk around and talk to people, as they try to get a room.

And Dean always, always reminds him by touching his ass every now and then.


Sam knows Dean likes his hair.

What Dean doesn't know though is how much Sam likes it when Dean buries his hands in it and just pulls while they fuck.


Sam totally loves it too, you know.

Sometimes, when he's on all fours and Dean is pounding into him, he ignores Dean's "requests" just so Dean will pull his head back by the hair and growl in his ear.


Sam ends up spending a lot of mornings and afternoons rolling his head back and forth trying to crack his neck because of it.

But it only lasts until Dean takes pity on him and works his thumbs on either side of his neck.

And it never lasts long because Sam knows his brother and he knows Dean is a cactus-covered marshmallow.


Sam also knows better than to ever say that out loud.


Dean knows that Sam hates eating in front of people. In school, at someone's house, a diner, doesn't matter, he hates it and will starve before doing it willingly.

He'll order in public and then either Dean will make him eat ("I swear to fuck Sammy, I will shove that fucking burger straight down your throat if I have to.") or he'll doggy bag it and eat it in the car or the room.

Dean knows why too; he remembers when they were younger and didn't know any better, when they would stay for dinner at a friend's house and eat like horses because it wasn't rice or noodles or beans.

Dean remembers that feeling he got in the pit of his stomach when someone gave him that look; the one that says "Doesn't anybody feed you?"

It's almost tolerable if not for the "joke" that always follows that fucking look like clockwork.

"When was the last time you ate?"


Dean knows Sam loves to gloat over the three inches he has on him in height.

What Dean doesn't know is that Sam secretly hates that he's taller. He slouches whenever possible when he's walking next to Dean, shrinks himself down, because Sam likes being the baby brother.


Dean knows that Sam and John are the only family he's ever going to have.

What Dean doesn't know is that Sam finally realizes the same is true for him.


Sam knows Dean is ticklish right there.


Dean knows Sam has rules about tomatoes.

The actual tomato is not okay, not in salads, not on sandwiches, and certainly never by itself. Spaghetti sauce is allowed, but not if it has chunks in it. Marinara sauce is strictly forbidden. Salsa is acceptable, but only if you dip the chip into the liquid without acquiring any bits. If you scoop with the chip, Sam's likely to throw up on you.

Ketchup is always okay, and Sam's pretty sure it's the entire reason the vile fruit exists in the first place.

John blames Sam's pickiness on Dean, says Dean encourages him. Dean doesn't know what the hell his Dad is talking about, but that tomato thing ... is freaking adorable.


Dean knows how much Sam loves the rain.

Especially when Dean has him bent over the Impala, pounding into him as the icy sleet coats their skin, slipping and sliding over the muscles and tracing their sweat.

Dean loves the way Sam jumps and clenches when he catches a flash of lightning or hears a particularly loud crack of thunder.


Sam knows about Dean's nervous tick and where it came from.

What most people don't know is that despite appearances, Dean's the one with the unruly hair. He carries more hair products than most girls. Sam used to make fun of his constant need to run his hand through his hair, attempting to tame the mess on his head.

Eventually, Dean got better at hiding it. He's almost completely broken the habit now, but every once in a while Sam will see him reach up for his head. Dean always catches himself now, pretends like he has an itch instead.


Sam knows about that time in senior year when Dean had to walk all the way across the parking lot and through the school into the nurse's office naked.

That was Sam's opening volley in the fifth prank war.


Sam knows Dean doesn't drink tequila. It's something that happened while he was away at Stanford. Dean won't tell him why, no matter how much he pesters him.

What Sam doesn't know is that the day Sam left for Palo Alto Dean splurged on a bottle of Jose and he stayed drunk for two days. On the third day he threw up for twenty minutes and dry heaved for three hours. He couldn't keep anything down for two weeks after that. But he thinks maybe that had less to do with the tequila and more to do with Sam. Regardless, in Dean's world nothing's ever Sam's fault. Fucking Jose Quervo on the other hand is the devil.


Dean knows how much Sam hates coffee.

He likes the caffeine in it and he likes how adult it makes him feel but he can't stand the taste. He dumbs it down with sugar and chocolate syrup and whipped cream and caramel and all kinds of other ice cream toppings.

So of course Dean has to make fun of him for it as much as he can and order's Sam's coffee black for him whenever possible.


John knows that His Boys think they're smooth.

They are, in fact, not.


Sam knows that Dean graduated with a 4.0 GPA. That was obvious, what with him being valedictorian and everything.

He also knows that Dad had to order Dean to go to graduation and to give the speech because Dean planned on ditching it.

Sam thinks it must have been a huge blowout because they both spent a good two weeks alternating between stomping around looking for fights and acting like the walking dead.


Sam doesn't know that there wasn't any fight at all.

There was no yelling or screaming or threats of revoking gun privileges. John asked and Dean told; it was as simple as that.

Sam doesn't know how badly it hurt John and Dean for Dean to graduate without Mary there.


Sam knows that Dean hates his freckles.

Dean knows that Sam thinks it's the sexiest thing about him. Some people love his eyes, his lips, even his hands, but Dean knows it's the freckles that drive Sam crazy. Maybe they're not so bad after all.


Sam knew things with Jess would end badly, but he loved her too much to walk away.

His greatest fear is that Dean will meet the same fate.

The scariest part is that the way he felt about Jess is nothing compared to the way he feels about Dean.


Dean knows Sam likes to be inconspicuous. After years of being "the new kid" at every school, he prefers to blend in instead of stand out. At 6'4'' this tends to be hard to do.

Dean knows this is why he wears the hoodies, despite the constant bitching about being cold. Sam's never cold, Dean should know. The fucker is usually sprawled over him like and electric blanket.

Dean knows he wears the hoodies so people won't see him.


Dean knows that Sam doesn't snore.

He talks in his sleep. Sleeps with his eyes open. Drools so much that Dean sometimes thinks he may drown.

Sam hogs the covers and tosses and turns and cuddles and nuzzles up against Dean. He rubs his face into Dean's hair and kisses his neck in his sleep. He moans and cries and rolls and wakes Dean up and sleeps through the whole fucking night.

Nine times out of ten Sam wakes up curled in on Dean's chest, gripping him like he'll run away.

Nine times out of ten Dean wakes up and Sam's already awake and dressed.


Dean doesn't know that Sam used to watch Days of Our Lives.

He also doesn't know that Sam used to watch it because there was this guy on there who looked just like Dean except really, really, really gay. Like not even Elton John gay, so gay that Elton John would beat him up.

Sam still cackles like a fucking hyena whenever someone asks Dean if they know him from somewhere.


Dean knows Sam is going to leave him someday.

Sam never wanted this life, never wanted the hunt, or the kill, or even Dean.

What Dean doesn't know is that everything is so different from the way it was before, and Sam knows that Dean doesn't know him nearly as well as he thinks he does.


Sam knows that Dean is a complete jackass.


Dean knows that Sam is a whiny bitch.


Dean knows things about Sam no one else knows.

Sam knows the truth behind all the lies Dean tells the world.


Dean knows that Sam is more afraid of disappointing Dad than he likes to admit, even to himself.

Sam knows that Dad isn't quite as bad in reality as Sam likes to remember him but he feels less like a complete piece of shit when he ignores all the good stuff.


Dean knows he was Sam's first kiss, among other things.

He's still not really sure whether he feels kind of honored or incredibly disgusted with himself.

He figures it's a little bit of both, maybe with a few extra bits and bobs thrown in here and there.


Dean knows that one of the very best sights in the world is Sam on his knees, head bobbing and hair mussed, eyes closed and moaning.


Sam loves riding Dean, he really does. He loves shoving Dean down and climbing on top of him, loves impaling himself on his big brother's cock, pinning Dean's arms to his sides and watching as Dean breaks apart and loses control.

Sam knows he must be in love because he loves watching Dean's face as he comes inside him and he doesn't even think it looks funny at all.

He possibly loves it more than Dean loves the paw-shaped bruises that stick on his chest for days after.


Dean knows Sam likes it hard and rough, likes it when he's sore and can still feel Dean for hours after they've both come and slept and woken and walked.

So Dean, being the wonderful big brother that he is, makes sure to go as slow and soft and tender as he can with Sam as often as possible.

Honestly, it works too, makes Sam appreciate it more when Dean fucks him numb and stupid.


Sam knows that Dean has never crossed his legs in his entire life. He's always in that cocky, splayed open position, like Dean doesn't care if anyone can see the bulge in his pants.

Which annoys Sam because whatever is in between those legs is his.

At the same time, it amuses him because he can always immediately see if Dean's hard. And hey, Sam always knows how to take care of his things.


When they were little Sam and Dean never played "traditional" Cops and Robbers or Cowboys and Indians or anything. Whenever they used to play it would be "us against them." Sam and Dean as the robbers against invisible cops or knights in King Arthur's Castle.

Dean knows why Sam never made him play the bad guy (or the good guy or anything that put him in opposition to Sammy) because Sammy told him once.

Sammy told him that they "should always be together and never, ever leave each other." Because Dean is his big brother and "big brothers don't ever leave their little brothers."


Dean knows that when Sam's hands start twitching in his sleep, it means that he's going to roll over in about five seconds. If Sam starts smacking his lips, it means that he's dreaming of food. If Sam lets out little kitten noises, it means that he's dreaming of Dean scratching his tummy.

In those moments, Dean smiles and scratches Sam's tummy to match his dream.


Dean knows that Sam sucks at spitball wars because he could never achieve the right consistency of a proper paper spitball. Sam always slobbered all over his spitballs like a fucking puppy. They never flew from the straw and just kinda plopped down on the ground wetly.

He used to make fun of Sam. But when Sam came back from Stanford, his spitballs were almost perfect and it hurt like a motherfucker when they hit Dean's face (and they always hit Dean's face now).

What Dean doesn't know is that Jess was a champion spitball maker.


Dean knows that Sam used to want to save Thumbelina. Not because she was a girl but because she was small.

Sam once told Dean that he was afraid that Thumbelina didn't have a big brother who would save her from the creepy mole who wanted to marry her. He said that if it meant saving her, he would be willing to share his big brother with her.


Dean knows that Sam has an absolutely filthy mouth. Obscene in more ways than one and talented enough to make porn stars jealous.

Dean also knows that Sam's vocabulary? Is so much better than Dean thinks he deserves.


Sam knows Dean swallows.


Dean knows Sam chokes.


Sam knows Dean hates not being able to talk but damn Sam loves making him lose his voice.


Dean knows that Sam loves his voice first thing in the morning or right when he's about to come. When it's all scratchy and rough.


Sam knows that Dean gets off on almost getting caught, the kinky retard that he is.

Sam knows, so sometimes he purposefully leaves doors unlocked or windows slightly open.

But never when Dad's around. There's a line between "adrenaline junkie" and "suicidal."


Sam knows Dean wouldn't really piss in his shoes, no matter what he says.


Sam knows Dean can't drive a stick. The only thing that keeps him from making fun of Dean is the fact that he can't drive one either.

Dean kinda thinks it's worth the unmanly injustice just for the look on Dad's face every time Dean strips the gears trying to wrench the truck into third.

It's okay though because every time he does that John cuts in front of him and goes twenty.


Sam knows where Dean gets his "sense of humor" from.


Sam also knows where Dean gets his taste in music. And clothes. And cars. And God, probably even his taste in women.

Wow. There's a road Sam never wants his brain to go down again.


Sam knows Dean is a light sleeper.

He always tries his hardest not to kick Dean in his sleep or do anything else to wake him up.

Sam doesn't know that Dean always wakes up anyway; he's so used to Sam rolling all over him and manhandling him in his sleep that the lack of movement wakes him up better than any alarm could.


Sam knows about that scar Dean has on the inside of his right pinkie.

He knows that, despite how thin and small the scar is it's the final result of three surgeries Dean had to have to be able to bend that finger again.


Dean knows that Sam still has a tooth from the pit-bull that did it; the one that was pulled out of Dean’s hand.


The first time Dean heard "Give Me One Reason" after Sam left he threw the clock-radio across the room, because it hurt him so much that he wasn't enough to keep Sam there.

Sam wanted to ask Dean to come with him but couldn't. He was too afraid of what he might do when (not if) Dean said no.


Sam knows how much Dean hated his "pretty boy" looks growing up. Dean was somewhere around nineteen by the time he realized just how much the women loved them.

All up until then he was too focused on the guys and the fights they would instigate and the locker-room taunts of "cocksucker" and "she-male" and "bitch."

As cliché as it sounds? It turned out the guys really did pick on him because they were jealous. Imagine that.


Sam knows Dean has a thing for his hands.

It's kind of obvious from the way Dean sucks on Sam's fingers, bites at his palms and leaves hard-to-explain hickeys on his wrists.

Dean knows Sam knows about the thing with the hands.

Though judging by the moans Sam lets out when Dean sucks his middle finger, Dean would say Sam probably doesn't mind much.


Dean knows Sam is a consumer whore.

Sam knows that the proper response every time Dean informs him of this is to say "And how."

It's a thing they have, one of those in-jokes that really isn't. Something that cracks the both of them up and leaves everyone else in the vicinity staring.


Sam knows that telling Dean to go to hell is perfectly fine.

Sam also knows that saying anything at all along the lines of "you're going to hell" is strictly off limits.

They were raised close enough to religion to still have large insecurities and doubts about Them (together) and what They (together) may someday mean. In the long run.

You know, after.

Neither of them tries to think about it much but it's like telling someone not to sneeze; all of a sudden everyone gets allergies.


Dean knows exactly what Sam's face looks like when he comes.

His whole face scrunches up and the muscles in his jaw twitch. He groans and grunts and it looks so much like a vision that Dean always, always has a split-second of gut-wrenching fear.

Sam looks ridiculous when he comes, always has.

Dean loves watching Sam come so much it scares him sometimes because it just can't be healthy.


Dean knows Sam's favorite present was the Luke Skywalker and Han Solo action figures John splurged on one Christmas. Dean got Han, and Sam got Luke.

What Dean doesn't know, is that Han didn't get lost. He just took a little trip to California, and is now safely tucked in Sam's bag next to Luke.


Sam knows Dean speaks Elvish.

As in one of those fourteen languages from The Lord of the Rings.

Sam waits for the day he can pull that fact out and inflict maximum damage.

Sam knows he'll never actually tease Dean about it though.

But he can dream.


Sam knows that his brother is a bigger geek than Sam could ever dream to be.


Dean knows that three of Sam's molars on the left top side are fake. The original teeth were broken so badly that they were beyond saving, the result of a lead pipe to the face.

Dean beat the shit out of the kid who did it. Even if it was an "accident."


Sam knows that Dean used to like his T-shirts a size too small.

He knows that it's not because Dean likes to show off his body. It was so that when the time came for Dean to give his clothes to Sammy as hand-me-downs, they wouldn't be too big on him.


Dean knows that Sam has a rating system for every motel that they visit. One star if it has roaches (no matter how nice the facilities are). Two stars if the sheets are clean. Three stars if there's hot water. Four stars if there's cable. Five stars if there's wireless.

Dean doesn't really care about the motel. As long as it has a bed, that's enough for him. And as long as Sammy's there, it'll be five stars.


Dean knows that when Sammy was four, he got lice from a classmate of his. Sammy spent most of the time scratching his head and making Dean give him baths with the special shampoo for lice. Dean also was the one who patiently combed Sam's hair with the special comb to weed out the lice eggs.

Dean beat up Rex when he made Sam cry after telling him a story that the lice were going to sprout wings and fly Sam off and he would never see Dean again.


Dean has taken part in several orgies.

So has Sam, in college because that's where normal people do that kind of thing, but Dean doesn't know that.


Sam knows Jess wanted to jump Dean's bones when she saw him that night. He also knows what that half-giddy look in her face was when she caught them alone in the dark.

And then she realized Dean was that Dean and Sam could see the gears halt in her head and her heart stop.


Sam knows that Dean loves him, even if he can't say it out loud.

Sam knows that Dean says it in his own way every day. When he forfeits the first shower, when he hands control of the TV to Sam, when he spends and extra fifty dollars they can't afford on a room with a kitchen so that he can cook actual food for Sam.

Sam also knows that should he ever say any of this out loud Dean would make him use the female IDs again.


Sam knows that Dean cried during sex once.

Okay, so Sam accidentally kneed him right in the hard-on but still...

It counts.


Sam knows Dean hates public displays of affection; he won't hold Sam's hand if they're out in public, not even if no one in the whole damn town knows they're related in any way, shape or form.

What Sam doesn't know is that Dean laces their fingers together every night after Sam falls asleep. Sometimes Sam wakes up first and undoes his fingers quickly, thinking he must have twined them together in their sleep. It never occurs to him that Dean's the one that does it.


Sam knows Dean is a control freak, as does anyone else who watches him for more than five minutes.

Because Dean is a control freak, he must always be in charge of everything all the time forever and ever.

Which is why Sam's favorite position is when Dean is on his back and Sam is riding him; when Dean can do nothing but lay there while Sam brings them both off.


Dean downloaded bestiality porn on the laptop and set it as the screensaver once.

Dean knows Sam screams like a girl when he sees a chick blow a mountain goat.


Dean knows how much Sam likes to ride him; it's fairly obvious from the gasping little breaths and whimpers he lets out.

If asked, Dean would say that he doesn't have a favorite sexual position; all sex is great no matter what.


Dean loves it when he has Sam bent over something; the car, a bed, a desk, a chair, a sink, a table, a dresser, etc.

He has this thing about getting Sam so hot and bothered that he can't waste time with taking off all his clothes, just enough of them to fuck.


Sam always gets antsy when anyone around him starts talking about "soul mates."

Sam doesn't know what makes his stomach feel that way; the thought that he might not have loved Jess as much as she loved him or the fact that he knows that Dean is his soul mate.

Would be.

If they existed, you know.


Dean, oddly, is more at ease with the whole "I'm in love with my brother" thing.

Sam has no idea why. None at all.

It would never even cross his mind that Dean might be relieved or happy in any way for them to be more than just sex.

Sam doesn't know because his brain just cannot comprehend it.


Sam knows how much Dean loves New Orleans. He also knows why.

Dean has this thing. He's obsessed with zombies. Real, fake, cheesy, scary, whatever, he loves them all. He's seen every movie with a zombie of any type in it in the last forty years.

Every one.

Dean loves New Orleans so much because not only does he get to see zombies down there, sometimes he gets to kill them.


Dean knows about that time Sam put a frog in Katie Peterson's locker. Dean was so proud; pretty good prank for an eight-year-old.

What Dean doesn't know, is that Sam was only teaching Katie a lesson. He caught a glimpse of her notebook, covered in Dean's name with little hearts all around. Everyone knows that Dean belongs to Sam.


Sam knows that Dean has ditched (not "dumped" because you can't dump someone you aren't dating) girls for him on several occasions going back to when he was little.

He ditched them for being snobby to Sam or snotty to him. Some were mean and some were rude and others were just plain cruel.

Dean still doesn't know that in nearly every instance Sam provoked it intentionally to get rid of the girl.


Sam knows that Dean hates cats. Sam gets that. Dean's the most loyal person he knows and Dean can't stand the thought of an animal that can easily turn its back on its master.

What Sam doesn't know, is that Dean's hatred of cats has nothing to do with them being independent to the point of disloyalty, and everything to do with the cat scratch scars on Sam's left forearm. Nothing that hurts Sam ever gets back in Dean's good graces.

Not ever.


Sam knows how smart his brother is.

He's seen Dean pry their laptop apart and tweak with it. Their laptop has gone from 40 gigs to 60 to 120 and through at least a dozen different externals that Dean keeps in his bag at any given moment.

He's seen Dean rebuild humvees (not those crappy wannabes the public gets but actual Army ones) from almost scratch and has watched Dean drool and ogle The Discovery Channel when he thinks no one is looking.

Which is why Sam gets a giddy, sadistic little kick every time Dean bombs out on researching something or finding leads.


Dean has no fucking clue how Sammy finds half the shit he does.

They both have the same information, they both use the same search engines and databases...

Dean has no idea how he comes up with "The Chicken Chupacabra Pizza" at Avalanche's and Sam comes up with five hundred and thirteen sites documenting Chupacabra sightings.


Dean knows that his brother has absolutely no taste in music whatsoever.


There's this tape Sam has with perfectly great music on it (AC/DC and Guns 'n Roses and other good things like that) ruined with techno backbeats and remixed with Nirvana and Bon Jovi and nine other kinds of pure shit.

Every time Sam gets to drive he shoves his tape (shoves, like he knows she'll reject it on principle alone) into the car and Dean can't help but tell Sam that there are more subtle ways of coming out, "Like say, staring at gay porn, for one."


Sam doesn't know that after he left for college, Dean kept one of his old shirts stuffed down in the bottom of his duffel and slept in it every night for two weeks.

On the fifteenth day, he accidentally left it on the bed when he went in to take a shower and John picked it up and put it in the laundry pile.

It didn't smell like Sam anymore after that, so Dean just threw it away.


Dean stole Sam's favorite pair of pants when Sam left for Stanford.

Sam thinks he knows why Dean stole them. He thinks Dean stole them to spite him, as punishment for leaving.

He did. But he also did it because some part of him hoped that if Sam wouldn't come back for him, he'd come back for the jeans.

He didn't.


Sam knows that Dean has a thing for his hands.

Sometimes when he's feeling particularly spiteful, or when Dean's being especially annoying, he'll crack his knuckles and flex his fingers really slowly and then he'll spend hours cleaning his knives, or typing something completely unnecessary out on the computer.

Eventually Dean will make this sort of strangled sound in the back of his throat and Sam will laugh and then he'll lay Dean out on the bed and he'll fuck Dean with the fingers on his right hand while Dean sucks and bites at the fingers on his left. Sam can usually come just by watching Dean writhe and buck on the bed. It's the hottest thing he's ever seen.


Sam knows that Dean is actually a neat-freak, despite all appearances.

Sure, he'll strip his clothes off and throw them all over the room or the apartment or wherever, but that's just small shit.

Dean has three different soaps he uses (and he calls Sam a girl) and they all have to be in a specific order in the shower and on the sink. The nine kinds of crap he puts in his hair is arranged in a special order under the mirror and so on and so on.

Sam once rearranged the clothing in Dean's drawer.

Dean was so pissed-off that he broke Sam's nose and then spent a week apologizing ("God Sammy, why didn't you duck?").

Sam's still not sure why he did it; he was bored and it just felt like the thing to do at the time.


Sam knows that it must have killed Dean to let Sam go off to college alone. Sam can't remember a time when Dean didn't have his back. Can't remember a time when he couldn't turn around and find Dean taking care of him. That's why he'll always be thankful that Dean let him go without a fight. It was hard enough fighting with Dad about it.

What Sam doesn't know is that three days before he left for Palo Alto, Dean went to visit a Shaman and had him cast a protection spell. It was one thing to know Sam needed to go, and quite another to actually let him.


Dean knows that Sam doesn't hate Dean's music as much as he pretends to.

He's caught Sam singing along to "Whiskey in a Jar" and "Paint It Black" more times than he can count.

What Dean doesn't get is why Sam feels the need to pretend to be such a tasteless, whiny, little emo girl.


Sam knows it annoys Dean when he talks crap about his music.

So while Sam actually does like it, he'll never admit it. It's his duty as Little Brother to be the more annoying sibling. With Dean for a brother, he has his work cut out for him.


Dean knows why Sam went all red that one time when Sam introduced himself as "Sean Cody."

Dean thinks he may have busted a vessel in his brain not laughing at that.

Ever since then Dean's made sure that at least half of Sam's IDs have the names of porn stars on them.


Dean knows about the time Sam almost got arrested for possession.

Possession. It never stops being funny.

Only Sammy could have the bad luck to steal a jacket with three ounces of weed in the pocket. And then get stopped by a cop.

Sam should get down on his knees for Dean after the way Dean sweet-talked the cop into letting him go.


Sam knows better than to steal leather jackets anymore.


Sam knows about the ex-girlfriend Dean has who is actually an ex-boyfriend, that first one back when he was like, fourteen.

He knows the exact day Dean found out too; he came home early from his "date" and Sam asked what happened.

There was a very loud, and very nervous-sounding "I don't wanna talk about it" and then Dean went straight to the bathroom and showered for an hour.

Years later when Dean was actively seeking out guys, Sam would take every opportunity he could get to remind Dean about "Carmella."


Dean knows Sam pierced his tongue once.

He also knows that it only took three days for it to get infected.

It was fun while it lasted though.

Almost as fun as watching Sam try to explain to Dad, with a swollen tongue, why he thought shoving a safety pin through his tongue was a good idea.


What Dean doesn't know is that Sam sometimes thinks about getting it pierced again.

But done right this time. With sterile things.

Despite the infection, it might be worth it to see the look on Dean's face while he's giving him head.


Sam knows that Dean cannot fucking stand the sight of apple pie anymore, not after almost losing his life because of it.

So no matter how much Sam loves it, and he really does, he never orders it anymore.

Always gets pumpkin or blueberry or something else he hates and then gives it to Dean because he's "full."


Dean knows Sam hates blueberry pie though.

So he always gets steak fries and smothers them in maple syrup, even though he thinks it's disgusting, because he knows Sam will eat them right off his plate.


It's okay though because Sam knows Dean hates ham, but never remembers to tell the waitress to sub it for bacon, so Sam always has them sub his for bacon and then he swaps it out with Dean's ham.


Sam knows Dean loves Two Weeks Notice. Dean pretty much loves anything with Hugh Grant, but Sam knew it was really a hit when Dean turned to him during the beet swapping lunch scene and said, "Hey! We do that!"

Sam teased him about it for weeks afterward, but really he thought it was freaking adorable.


Sam knows his big brother is a gigantic fucking softie.

Honestly, he's never seen a guy baby-talk a puppy before.

And if you get Dean around a real live baby?

There just aren't words.


Sam knows Dean can fall asleep anywhere. Sam has more trouble, so he likes to wait until Dean's asleep and then he'll curl up around him and rub Dean's scalp or belly until he can fall asleep.

What Sam doesn't know (and what Dean will never tell him because Sam's the fucking girl around here thank you very much) is that Dean isn't really asleep. Can't really fall asleep until Sam starts massaging his scalp or stomach.


Dean knows about that... thing that Sam does. Before he goes to sleep. Where he says... y'know, that thing.

Dean's tried to say it back a couple of times but he just can't make himself do it if he knows Sam can hear him.

So he waits until Sam's asleep and scoots down, whispering it against Sam's ribs and hoping that his heart hears it even if his ears don't.


What Dean doesn't know is that Sam's okay with him not saying it. Sam gets it. It's not really what Sam means either. It's just that Sam hasn't really found any words that exist yet that encompass what he really wants to say to Dean. So, "I love you," will have to do for now.


Dean knows why Sam got kicked out of that high school in Casa Grande.

He heard that girl crying to her friend, heard what that fucker did to her. She said "no" and he didn't listen.

Sam put him in the hospital for two weeks and was expelled.

Dean and John are still hard-pressed to name a time they were ever more proud of Sam.

It still makes Sam sick to his stomach to think that he did that to another human, no matter what the reason.


Sam knows that it drives Dean crazy when he flirts with girls.

Which sort of sucks, because Sam loves driving Dean crazy, but it sort of takes a conscious effort on Sam's part to remember to flirt. Because when you're going home to Dean every night, everyone else sort of pales in comparison.


Sam knows about that small stuffed Pooh Bear Dean has shoved in his bag.

Sam doesn't remember, but he's the one who got it for Dean. They were going through a Goodwill store and John was making the boys find presents for each other.

Dean picked out a big stuffed penguin for Sammy that was bigger than him and Sammy picked out a small, dirty Winnie the Pooh.


Sam knows that Dean can quote Monty Python and the Holy Grail. And Life of Brian. And History of the World. And Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

He has to consciously remind himself of that every time Dean calls him a geek.


Sam doesn't know everything about Dean.

But he's positive he wants to spend the rest of his life trying to figure his brother out.

~ ~ ~ ~

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Last updated: August 20th 2007
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