Prison Break Fics
Title: Five Things They Are Not
Characters: Sara, Veronica, Lisa, VP Reynolds, Mama Scofield
Summary: Five Things They Are Not
Spoilers for: 0108 -- The Old Head and 0116 -- Brother's Keeper.
Originally posted: 04-13-2006
She doesn't need the morphine, her body doesn't cramp and scream and burn for it. She doesn't pick at her skin or sweat or get nauseas if she doesn't have it. She's never traded sex for it and she's never gone out and tried to buy any on a street corner. If she had a car she wouldn't sell it for more morphine...
She likes helping people, she really does, but the morphine makes it easier.
It makes it easier to remember the small boy with more purple skin than white and how high the blood from that one girl's throat jumped. She is not addicted to it, she could stop if she wanted to, she just doesn't think she'll ever be ready to remember someone dying with her arms inside their chest while sober.
A Criminal Lawyer.
She went to law school, she chose her specialty and she got her degree. She had a nice job with a good firm, a nice apartment, a nice fiancée and a good life going for her. She's great at real estate law but she's complete shit at criminal law and she knows this.
She doesn't know what she's doing and she's trying and learning as she goes but it's hard, harder than it looks on TV and in movies. The basics are still the same; hearsay, Rules of Evidence, witness and such, but it's the little things that matter.
It's dealing with cops who rely on half legible notes for a case from three years ago and people willing to kill to get their way.
It's knowing that if she fucks this up, a man she's loved in one way or another all her life will die a painful death and another she loves just the same will kill himself slowly. It's knowing that the fifteen-year-old sleeping in the chair in the living room will be an orphan and may even suffer his father's fate if she can't beat the people who have probably put millions of dollars and thousands of hours into this conspiracy.
She's not a criminal lawyer, but she's getting better at faking it.
A Bad Mother.
She was sixteen when she had him.
She didn't listen to her mother and give him up and she didn't drop out of school and she didn't let Lincoln see him, but none of those make her a bad mother. She didn't do drugs much after him but she did drink a little around him.
Those things don't make her a bad mother either.
She hated him while she was pregnant and she didn't like him much for a few months after, but the fact that the dislike scared her, the fact that she told someone about it, means she is not a bad mother.
When her mother got fed-up and threw them out, she swallowed her pride and crawled back to Lincoln for the sake of her son. And when Linc started getting high again she took her son and went to a shelter, despite the blow it was to her pride.
She screamed a lot, but she never hit him. She let him watch "R" rated movies, but she always asked about them. She taught him about drugs, sex, drinking, stealing, and lying, and she took him to get his permit, but still made him ride his bike.
She knows what the neighbors think when they hear the fighting, she knows what the teachers think when they see the grades and what the other kids think when they hear his name, she knows what the police think and the PTA and her own mother, but to the very second she dies she knows that if LJ survives it means she's not a bad--
A Bad Person.
She loves her brother with all of her heart. She would kill for him and die for him and die so he might live. Ever since they were children they've been there for each other.
She argued them into the same classes and passed his tests for him and paid for his tests when she couldn't do them on her own. She was popular and made him popular by association.
She got him his first date and bought him his first wife and sent them on their honeymoon with a big plastic smile on her face. And when that bitch tried to take him for his company she had her disposed of. Tragic car accident, drunk driver hit her car and killed her instantly, an obvious need for stricter DUI laws.
She bought him his second wife too and she bought his wife, Katherine or Kathleen or something like that, two new dashing young men to keep her busy.
And when Terrence got in over his head with that overgrown laundry-mat of his she did what she had to do to make it better.
She can still see them from up where she is.
She's seen all the good things they've done and all the not-so-good ones too. She's seen all the times her eldest has lept before he looked and every time her baby has lept in after and pulled him out. She's seen all the times they've triumphed and persevered and she's seen those times, thankfully few and far between, when there was just too much against them.
She sees them hurt and crying and in pain and takes comfort in the fact that they have each other. She is never disappointed with either of them, she doesn't think that's possible here, but to her own surprise she still feels a muted uneasiness when her children embrace and join and forget the world around them.
She sends them gifts sometimes; a watch stuck at 11:11, church bells that ring off schedule, a whisper in the dark, an old song not heard in years, little things.
She knows they think about her and she knows they hurt but she thinks they know she's in a better place.
As long as they remember her and as long as they think about her she is not gone.
~ ~ ~ ~
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